My Poor Brain
by Y'know01
Summary: Bella is a slightly awkward and nerdy girl starting college. She doesn't know much about the real world and has very little experience in the people department... which sucks because her roommate doesn't like her much and her chemistry partner is an ass.
1. Knowledge

**1. Knowledge**

Some time ago, someone told me that I had a very bright and prosperous life to look forward to. I'm sure Mr. Banner meant it as a simple compliment, but it made me think long and hard about what I wanted for myself. When I was eight, I closed my eyes and thought about the future. I saw myself going to college and majoring in Journalism to make Mommy and Daddy proud. When I finished college, I would meet a guy who was sweet, funny, smart, and handsome. I would fall in love, get married, and have three kids.

But now, at seventeen, I wondered if I still wanted the same things. My dream guy? From experience, I knew that finding someone with that criteria was damn near impossible. Oh well, I could worry about him later. College? That was a definite 'yes'. Call me a nerd, but college is something that I have always dreamed about. I had always maintained an A average, so I had the grades to get into a decent College. I still wanted to major in Journalism; writing was something that fascinated me. Now that I _really_ thought about it though, I hadn't a clue as to the specifics. _What_ college, exactly? How the hell are you going to pay for it?

How _did_ I intend on paying for college? I could've asked my parents to help me but I knew they'd end up giving me their retirement money, so that was off the table. My part-time job at Newton's Sporting Goods barely helped to pay for my car and insurance, so I was stuck with applying for financial aid. But what if I didn't qualify? I decided to take my chances; it was the only way I could put myself through, unless, of course, I won a really good scholarship.

When I decided that it couldn't hurt to apply, I immediately began my search for a Journalism scholarship that I would be eligible for. When I first started looking, I was very discouraged. There were millions of scholarships open to people of Native American, African American, and Hispanic heritage; I even saw one scholarship, the NLGJA Leroy F. Aarons Scholarship Award that was offered to people of the gay and lesbian community... Let's just say I briefly considered switching teams. That is until I imagined Charlie having a heart attack and mom trying to take me to gay pride parades. I shook my head and kept looking. I was so frustrated! Didn't any of these organizations realize that some people were just regular, pale, short, and skinny? Why was it so difficult for someone like me to find a scholarship to apple to?

After weeks of searching and finding nothing, I finally found what I was looking for. The "Journalists Across America" scholarship would give me a full scholarship to the school of my choice. That included room and board, tuition, and books. To get the dream scholarship, I needed a letter of recommendation from my English teacher or the editor of our school's newspaper, a transcript of my grades, my SAT scores, and examples of my work. I decided to send in a few things I had done for "The Spartan World Weekly", the official newspaper for Forks High School. If I didn't love digging for a good story and writing so much, Mr. Green (principle of Forks High and editor of the newspaper) would've stepped down and made me editor of our shabby little newspaper a long time ago. When he suggested it, I decided to keep writing instead of marking up drafts with red pens.

I chose to send in an article about why standardized testing wasn't an effective way of finding a student's progress in their education, and another about the day to day preparation teachers go through before the school year begins. I know they didn't sound too interesting, but I thought they were my most serious and best works. Hey, I wasn't about to send in "The Cheese in Your Burger", a descriptive article about how our food was prepared. It seemed like a good idea at the time…then I decided to take a sack lunch to school instead.

As for my letter of recommendation, I asked Mr. Green himself to type it up for me. He graciously agreed and said that he'd be honored to do it for me. I got a transcript of my perfect grades and sent that in as well, all the while discovering that I was in the running for Valedictorian of our tiny school.

I sent in my application to the organization and anxiously awaited a response. Two excruciatingly long weeks later, I got a letter saying that I had won the scholarship. I was ecstatic and, obviously, so were my parents. I swear, sometimes my dad is the perfect Chatty Cathy. The news spread like wildfire around town and soon I was being congratulated by everyone- from my teachers to the lady at the convenience store by school. I silently thanked the Lord that my mom was at least a thousand miles away in Jacksonville.

I was really happy about my achievement up until my best friend and favorite person on Earth, Jacob, asked me where I was going to go for college. See, I still hadn't given much thought to it, but I was thinking somewhere distant because it didn't seem logical to waste such an excellent opportunity to extend my horizons. It was a typical rainy afternoon in Forks and we were watching some cheesy movie about a super- villain turned good when he decided to bring me down from my little cloud.

"So Bells, where are yah headed off to for college?" he asked reluctantly, like he really didn't want to know. "I know you got that awesome scholarship, but you've never mentioned anything about where you're going."

"Uh, well, I haven't really thought about it. I was thinking maybe Berkeley or some Ivy league school because I don't have to really worry about money," I rambled. "But then there's a part of me that thinks I should aim low because I don't want to be disappointed if I don't get in, y'know?"

"Would you aim as low as Washington State?" he asked, hope twinkling in his eyes."It's really not that can't just up and leave your father. Charlie needs you here Bells; he can't cook for shit and you know that. It would break his heart if you moved so far again. You don't know what he went through when you and Renee went to Phoenix. He was always moping around and talking about you. When you moved back, though, he was happier than a kid on Christmas morning."

"Agh, Jake, don't send me on a guilt trip! I really want to leave this state and see the rest of the country. I've already started looking at universities elsewhere. I know I said I wanted to aim low, but I'm seriously thinking about Dartmouth. It's far, but it has one of the best journalism programs in the country."

"Well I'm just telling you the truth, Bells. He won't be too happy if you decide to leave."

He was hitting below the belt. I knew very well what my leaving would do to Charlie, but I had to get out. I couldn't spend the rest of my life in this small town and if I didn't leave now, I never would. This was my big chance to expand my horizons, and I wanted to take it. I did talk to Charlie about it a little. He fully supports me in whatever I choose, but I still feared for his welfare if I left.

"Jacob, I've already talked about this with him, and he encourages me to do whatever I want as long as it makes me happy," I retorted, angry now.

"And it would make you happy to leave your father and best friend behind?" he countered, his own temper flaring. "I've always thought highly of you Bella. I thought you were modest and selfless. I never would've thought that you would be willing to hurt the people who love you most by deciding that you're bored and want to leave. I cannot believe that you would even _consider_ leaving and breaking your father's heart again-"

"Get out Jacob," I interrupted him. I knew that he was mad because I was leaving, but his words hurt. I was angry and his guilt trip was starting to work. He looked at me incredulously for a moment then grabbed his coat and walked out.

It was probably anger and annoyance that fueled me to actually fill out the application and essay for Dartmouth. I just wanted the pleasure of shoving my success in his face. It was a tad bit bitchy and vindictive, I know. But, as soon as I got the acceptance letter, I couldn't have cared less. And much like when I received my scholarship, I was the talk of the town. I found myself once again being congratulated by random people.

**!&!&!**

"Isabella Marie Swan! Hurry up! We haven't got all day, and if you take any longer we'll be late!" Charlie shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

"Chill out, Dad. I'm coming, I'm coming! Yeesh, you're more nervous than me and I'm the Valedictorian with a speech to give!"

"Just don't want you to be late, Bella. And how many times have I told you to stop telling me to 'chill out'? I don't even know what that means, for crying out loud!"

"All right! Sorry, now let's get going," I chuckled. I really was going to miss my father. Ever since I came back here after my mother got remarried, I kept getting closer to Charlie. He made the transition easier for me and was always there when I needed him. Charlie is the greatest dad out there.

It only took about five minutes to get to the school. I looked out the window to see Mr. Green racing toward us and waving his arm above his head. If he didn't look so desperate, I would've laughed.

"Oh, thank God you've arrived Isabella! We need help getting set up and then I would like to see the speech you've prepared! I'm so-," I stopped listening after that. Mr. Green loved to talk. He could talk for hours and say nothing of importance. I learned that my freshman year when he walked into one of my classes and droned on for the whole class about his grandfather. Weird, I know.

Charlie apparently noticed that I wasn't paying attention and interrupted him. "So, if you could just show me where I can settle in and tell Bells where to go, I'd really appreciate it," he cut in, politely ending Green's rant.

"Of course, Chief. Uh, just go into the gym and sit in the bleachers." Charlie gave me a quick hug and walked in the direction Mr. Green pointed out. "And you," he said, turning to me, "let's get you into your cap and gown and in place so that we can begin," he smiled and gestured for me to follow him.

**!&!&!**

"So in the end, you just have to follow your heart and do what it tells you. Your head only knows what's going on now, in this moment. We all need to stop listening so much to our minds and more to our hearts. Follow your heart and everything will work out. So with that super cheesy line, I leave this school and move on to New Hampshire to begin the rest of my life before you all start throwing stuff at me."

I smiled and walked off the stage. I had just given my speech and was flaming red. I was such a cheese ball when it came to making any sort of presentation. I sat back in my chair and waited for everyone to get their diplomas before finally looking out to the bleachers. There I saw my dad my mom-who surprised me by flying in from Jacksonville- and the biggest shock of all, Jacob. I hoped we could get over our fight and move on. I just couldn't leave this town with him being mad at me.

We tossed our caps in the air and watched them fall back down on the floor while our graduation song, _Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)_, played. Then my air supply was cut off, as two huge arms wrapped around me.

"I'm so sorry Bella! I was such a jerk and I'm sorry! Please forgive me!" Jake's deep voice begged as he squeezed me in his bear hug.

"Jacob…I ... can't ... breathe. Let me down and you're forgiven!" I struggled to speak.

"Sorry," he mumbled as he set me down on my feet, smiling from ear to ear.

I smiled and nodded as everyone started congratulating me. My family, my friends...everyone was just so damn happy tonight. I wished that I could just freeze this moment in time and stay in it forever. I wanted to be happy forever. Who knew what would happen in the future? Hopefully, life would continue to bless me. And, as I walked out of the gym with my family, I had a feeling it would.

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><p><strong>AN:**

**Hello and welcome to My Poor Brain! **

**If this seems familiar don't have a heart attack. This is my third and final attempt at fixing Mayhem With Green Eyes, formally known as Undefined. Yeah, I'm indecisive, I know. Sorry. I hope to update this story as soon as I possibly can. See, I'm running this one with the good people at Project Team Beta and the updates of this story will depend on not only my time but also theirs.**

**So... What'd ya think? :D Let me know and review! :)**

**See you guys next Sunday, hopefully. And maybe just maybe our Eddie boy will make an appearance! **

**P.S: If you are curious behind the titles of this story, check out my profile. :)**


	2. I Wanna Be Sedated

**2. I Wanna Be Sedated**

Damn it all to hell. Why in the world didn't I do this earlier?

_Because you were too busy lazing around by the pool, pushing people into pools and telling Jacob to fuck off._

Oh. Right. That stupid voice was always right. Yes, I have a voice inside my head. No, I am not insane, I promise. That voice only came out when I was bored or in times of pressure, anxiety, fear, stress and/or discomfort. At the moment, it was all of the above.

I sighed and thought back to my less-than-perfect summer.

**!&!&!**

After everyone had finished congratulating me and whatnot, Mom, Dad, Jacob, and I went out to the only restaurant in all of Forks. The Lodge was atrocious. The food was always overcooked and tasted disgusting. The décor was tacky at best and as for the service... let's not even go there. So, why were we here? Well, like I said, it was the only restaurant in Forks.

Throughout the whole meal, Mom kept trying to talk me into spending a month in Jacksonville with her.

"Bella! I want you to come to Jacksonville with me. I _will_ get my way, even if I have to drag you by that pretty, long, brown hair of yours!" she exclaimed.

Every year since I left Jacksonville, Mom would always try to make me go visit during the summer. Every year I would refuse; every year I found some way to get out of going. I'd say something about wanting to spend my summer doing volunteer work at the Forks hospital or library so that I'd have community service hours for college applications. Last year, I got a job at Newton's Sporting Goods just so that I didn't have to go.

This year, I couldn't find a good enough excuse so, with a sigh of defeat, I accepted. Mom clapped and squealed in excitement and went on and on about what we could do for the summer. I tuned her out as I contemplated just how horrible my summer would be because of this. It wasn't that I didn't want to see my mother; I just didn't want to see her stupid husband and his bitchy daughter. I _despised _them. Phil Dwyer was a jackass and hated me from the moment he met me. He completely ignored me and monopolized my mother's attention. I swear, it was like I was invisible when he was around. Lauren, his daughter, was the most malicious person I had ever encountered. She would push girls in the hallways because they'd accidentally step on her. Whenever she got in trouble, she'd find a way to twist the whole situation around and put the blame on the other person involved- this was usually me.

We left two days after that. Dad and Jacob, the only two people who knew the real reason that I moved, were not too happy about me spending time with Lauren and tried to get me out of going. I appreciated their concern but I told them that I could handle it. And I did… that is until Lauren decided to try to win an Oscar.

I was sitting by the pool one day, trying to get my fill of the sun, when I felt a sudden pain in my scalp. I freed my hair from Lauren's grip and turned to look at her. She had a sneer on her face and her blonde hair was tied back into a pony tail.

"Get lost, Swan. Tyler and I want to relax by the pool, and we won't be able to do that if you're here. So, leave or I will make the rest of your stay here absolutely miserable!" Lauren spat, pulling the guy who was with her closer.

I laughed at her. "Two things _Dwyer_: One, I was here first so I'm not leaving. Two, you can go screw your little boy toy over there somewhere else. Just make sure you don't do it in my room. I would hate to have to burn Mom's sheets." I replied. She did _not _like that and she slapped me. I may or may not have shoved her into the pool in response. Of course, given my shitty luck, Phil and Mom came to see what all the commotion was about and saw me push Lauren in to the pool, seemingly without a motive.

Phil was very quick to accuse me of trying to kill his "precious little girl" and Lauren pulled off the role of the victim extraordinarily well. My mom looked skeptical about it all being my fault and that caused a huge argument between her and Phil. I felt guilty for causing a dispute, and I suggested that maybe I should get back to Forks since I was due to leave next week anyway. That just caused another argument when Mom said, "No, that's not necessary" at the same time that Phil said, "Of course you're leaving!" At this point, Lauren was holding back laughter and that guy, Tyler, looked bored.

At the end of it all, Phil didn't want me in the house for fear of me killing Lauren- I didn't blame him- and Mom was just tired of arguing with him. So, that left me flying home early. I didn't resent Mom for not taking my side; I knew that she and Phil rarely argued, so I wasn't surprised that she had given in. Besides, I wanted to get away from Lauren before she tried anything else.

I thought that maybe my summer would get better once I got home. I was dead wrong.

Whenever I had to do something for the move to New Hampshire, Jacob went all emo on me and Dad was about ready to go into the whole "my little girl is all grown up now" speech. I managed to keep my dad in check, but Jacob was another story. He would constantly try to get me to feel guilty for moving and leaving my dad. One time, I was about two seconds away from slapping him. I couldn't believe that he was making me feel guilty about Charlie when we both knew he was only concerned about his own happiness. I finally had enough of him and his selfishness and told him to fuck off.

**!&!&!**

All of that crap led back to where I was now, standing in the middle of a pile of clothes, bedding, toiletries and stuff I absolutely needed to survive.

My dad laughed at me when he saw me trying to stuff my favorite blanket into an already-full suitcase. My blanket was practically my best friend. It was my favorite shade of blue and brought me comfort. I couldn't possibly leave it behind.

Packing was such a headache! It seemed that I had more stuff to pack than I thought and I couldn't seem to organize it all to fit into my suitcases. When I whined to Charlie about it, he told me that I shouldn't have procrastinated as much as I did and that now I had to suck it up. He was right, of course. He was always right, him and that stupid voice in my head.

After five grueling hours of packing my life into a few suitcases, three hours of sleep, and almost three hours in Dad's cruiser, I was finally at the airport and ready to start the rest of my life. Charlie stayed with me until it was time for me to board the plane. I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. I cried and he held me close to him and told me everything would be alright.

"Take care of yourself, Bella. Do your best, and don't let anyone give you any crap. Call me every time you get a chance and make some friends. And don't let Jacob give you a hard time about leaving. We both know that I am a grown man and that I can take care of myself. If he can't be happy for you, then he wasn't a very good friend to begin with." I smiled sadly at him and nodded. Jacob and I hadn't talked since I told him to get lost. I might've felt bad about it had Jacob been here now or tried to contact me, but he hadn't. I gave Charlie a kiss on the cheek and turned to board the plane.

The four hour flight from Seattle to Hannover, New Hampshire, was absolutely exhausting. I was never a fan of flying; I almost passed out whenever I looked out of the window and saw how high in the air we were.

_You know, it's a little masochistic to get a window seat if you hate heights so much_.

_Shut up._

_Perhaps you should've driven to New Hampshire._

Drive_ to New Hampshire? Are you insane?_

_I'm insane? You are the one having a conversation with yourself._

_Shut up._

_You say that a lot._

_Yeah, well maybe that's because you're still talking._

**!&!&!**

"Shit, shit, shit! I'm so lost!" I muttered to myself as I made my way through the campus, luggage in tow. Why hadn't I taken the time to look at the map earlier?

_Screwed up summer, remember?_

Right. I sighed and set my stuff aside as I pondered over the map. I grimaced when I saw that the dormitories were apparently right in front of me. Maybe I needed glasses or something. I shook my head at myself, grabbed my stuff and started walking toward the building.

Because I'm me, the perpetual klutz, I kept my head down, focused on my feet. I paid little attention to where I was headed, so, of course I didn't see that I was headed straight for him. I crashed into him _hard _and fell backwards. My suitcases were knocked over, and I hit my hip on the edge of one of them.

"Crap! I am _so _sorry. I didn't see you there; if I had I would've moved out of the way. Are you okay?" said an anxious, velvety voice. I realized then that my eyes were closed. I opened them and all I saw was a pair of green eyes looking at me worriedly.

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><p><strong>AN:**

**Hehe... Yeah, I know today's Thursday... I ended up sending in this chapter late to PTB and I got it back today.. Sorry about that.**

**Anyhoo, to anyone who favorited me, the story and put it on story alert, thanks a million :) I'm a bit disappointed because I received a total of zero reviews. :(**

**Oh well, at least you guys read it... Anyhoo, originally this chapter was supposed to be longer but I decided some content will be saved for later. There's more to be told about Lauren, trust me on that. **

**Bella's blanket and song for this chapter on my profile.**

**Alright next chapter we meet Alice and, of course, the gorgeous green-eyed guy makes an appearance.**

**REVIEW... please? *puppy dog eyes* **


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